A typical conversation the old me would have with a friend:
Me: I’m running over to get some coffee at Starbucks, do you want anything?
Friend: Yeah I’ll get a venti iced skinny vanilla latte. Let me give you some money.
Me: Oh no worries I got it.
Well times have changed my friends, and I’m no longer that girl, in fact, I’m a little worried I’ve become too much the other way. I’m worried I might have become a bit of a tightwad.
Here are some more examples of things I used to typically do, which I don’t do any longer.
1. Throw in a a few extra bucks if we were short in a group dinner situation. Now I just about bust out the calculator and know MY amount down to the cent, and tip accordingly (never skimp on tip!).
2. At another group dinner I would often accept splitting the bill evenly, even if I ordered significantly less than someone else. Now I make sure that I’m vocal about paying just what I ordered, unless it’s someone’s birthday, then I split paying for the birthday boy/girl.
3. If it was a hot summer day and a group of us were playing volleyball, I might offer to go get some drinks at the store and share. Now I force myself to go home after playing, to not just hang out on the beach and have a drink, or go out for lunch/dinner/drinks. You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to go out for a burger this past week!!!
4. If someone says, “I’ll get lunch this time,” I used to accept. Now I don’t like to, because I would feel like I owed them. And I don’t want to owe anyone anything.
5. I would have the occasional BBQ at my house. Most often it was a potluck, but of course throwing a party does cost the host more. I haven’t had a BBQ at all this year.
6. I would go out with friends. I can’t tell you just how many plans I’ve turned down in the last couple of months. Myself and Netflix are becoming besties.
7. I try to get out of driving. I blame it on the fact that my air-conditioner is broke.
Since this personal finance journey money seems to be on my mind 24/7. I mean I think about it A LOT, as I’m sure a lot of personal finance bloggers do.
So how do you make sure you don’t get so obsessed, that you start to become the friend that is cheap?
Or am I just being really smart and sensible, after all, I have a VERY tight budget that I’m struggling with already!
How do you find balance?
Budget & the Beach 
I’ve learned to accept offers of lunches–it’s a nice treat and I’ll treat them back some other time with my personal money. It’s not something I always do but a once in a while is okay. I like not splitting the check evenly-especially now that I tend to drink water.
Living on a tight budget does mean you have to be careful with where your money is going. I’d invite friends over to do a movie night rather than going out with them. And I’ll usually say “I’ll supply the movie and popcorn.” This way, they know exactly what I am supplying but I’m not doing it in a pushy, mean way of “what are you bringing?”
I think you’re right. I think it’s a new way of thinking…being able to accept an offer without feeling guilty.
I think it depends – if this is just a temporary thing, your friends and co-workers will forgive you I’m sure. The trouble is if you decline too many invitations, eventually they’ll stop coming. Maybe you should consider accepting one or two offers and have the occasional drink or lunch?
Well I’m definitely trying to work a few cheap breakfasts/coffee in with friends. I just haven’t quite adjusted to this new way of living yet I guess. In due time..
It’s hard when you’re trying to watch every penny and you want to go out with your friends. I wish the socializing part of life didn’t cost so much; sometimes you just want to have a drink with the girls and not fret over it! 🙂
Right!!! I think that’s the key phrase…not fretting over it. Right now I think about it WAY too much!
All my friends are equally if not more broke than me, so we understand funds are limited.
When we get together for a potluck, it really is a broke college student’s potluck. I think if your friends are good friends, they won’t mind. They will understand.
Yeah, I noticed a few friends have slipped away quietly, but I guess if they were true friends they would stick around and suggest alternative plans.
Yup! They would. Don’t worry about them!
A lot of these are things that I already do! Haha
And maybe it’s a Midwest thing, but I have never evenly split a meal, even though I always hear of people in other parts of the country do this.
Really? Yeah, it’s pretty common here, but mostly if the bill is somewhat even. If it’s a ridiculous difference, most people pay only their portion.
Your list is totally valid, except for point number four — let your friends treat you “this time” and have them over to your house for dinner next time — just them, not a whole huge group. You’ll save money and you’ll “get them back”
That’s a good idea. I need to make a cheaper meal like lasagna and have a few friends over….maybe Friday….hmmmm
So far it doesn’t sound like your a tightwad, but maybe that’s just because I do the same things. I think as long as you don’t become a complete hermit and don’t always turn down plans to hang out with friends you’ll be fine 🙂 I’m also besties with my Netflix.
I haven’t turned on my TV in weeks because I’m so addicted to Friday Night Lights on Netflix!
You aren’t being a tightwad at all, you are living within your means, which is a scary concept to many people. If you were making hundreds of thousands of dollars and refusing to do anything that cost money, then you would be a tightwad.
I agree with others, if someone offers to take you to lunch, let them do it and don’t feel guilty. Just maybe don’t order the most expensive item on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive item.
Yeah you’re right. I have a very good reason to be that way right now. Hopefully not long though.
I don’t think you’re being a tightwad…cuz I am exactly the same! I sometimes feel bad about it because I used to be the same way as you…offering to pay, etc. I usually do that with only close friends now, and once in awhile, but not often. I think I learned this from my mom, who is also a huge tightwad. But she makes good money and I think it’s important to keep this mentality going to keep your spending low and in check – it’s just a frugal way of life =)
Just getting used to the idea. I wish I wasn’t SO obsessed about money. Hopefully that eventually passes and this becomes second nature.
I don’t think you’re being a tightwad, your adapting to your financial situation. Your friends will understand. I do like the ideas suggested of inviting friends over for movies & popcorn, etc. – you get to socialize while still living within your budget. We had neighbours over for lasagna a couple of weeks ago, it was a blast, we all had fun, and it hardly cost me anything!
Yeah lasagna is good like that. If you have someone bring a salad and someone else some wine…lasagna goes a long way!
I’m going along with the majority and will also conclude you’re not a tightwad. Anyone who thinks so probably needs to pull the reins on their spending. Its just being smart and sensible with your money. True friends would understand your financial situation and not judge you for it.
I think all pf bloggers are obssessed with money one way or another. I think it’s nice to know you’re not the only one with this obssession, cause I feel like I’m the only one in my family and circle of friends.
I was like that for a while when I had a lot of debt. You kind of have to be, if you want to get out of the hole. But now that I am in much better shape financially, I’m paying it forward, as it were. For instance, I used to occasionally let friends pick up the check, if they insisted, because they knew my situation. Now that I’m doing OK, I often pick up the check when I go out with a close friend of mine who’s unemployed. It all seems to work out. I would suggest that you call the friends who’ve dropped away and see if they will meet you at the beach or for a coffee. If they still say no, then let ’em go. Unless you’ve told them about your situation, they may be taking it personally.
You sound like me! (So glad I found you on twitter, haha!) My problem is when people KNOW I’m thrifty BECAUSE of my blog and actually don’t invite me to do things because they just read a post about how I’m struggling or am trying to build an emergency fund or whatever. Does that ever happen to you? I mean, I would totally invite you out and we could just sit there and sip our free waters together, haha!
Well fortunately no one in my “real life” knows about this blog, however, on my public blog when I’ve posted about money issues, I have felt that same thing you have, that you don’t get asked to do things because they know about your finances. That’s why I started this semi-anonymous blog, so I could be a bit more open. 🙂 Sipping waters….ahhhh sounds so awesome. lol!
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