The other day I went out for a drink with a couple of friends. They ate delicious looking food while I nursed my $8-I’m-on-a-budget beer (no, I don’t think $8 for a beer is cheap either).
One of my friends just celebrated her 38th birthday. She said this year she didn’t feel the need to take off work, because for the first time in a long time things are just so perfect in her life. She has been in a happy relationship the last ten months, her job is really steady, she makes good money, and she can travel when she wants.
I’ve always been hesitant to reveal my exact age on this blog. I’ve been blogging for a long time, and ran an e-zine before blogging was called blogging, and I can’t help but notice there is a bit of ageism when it comes to blogs.
It seem that 90% of bloggers I’ve come across are in their 20’s and early 30’s…but mostly their 20’s. That’s totally cool, and I can hang with them no problem, but as soon as I have ever revealed how old I am, I find a decline in comments and interaction. It’s as if I’m suddenly viewed as an old fart who wears mom jeans, and should be spending my time shuttling my kids off to soccer practice instead of interacting on twitter, and learning the joys (sarcasm intended) of WordPress.
But here it is folks. I’m a non-mom-jeans-wearing 41-year-old. And the thing is I don’t look or feel like it (At least I hope I don’t look like it-Photoshop helps). I mean isn’t 40 the new 20? Hello? (crickets)
I like Rihanna and Pitbull and other current artists (just not Justin Bieber-he needs to be slapped). It’s just that I saw Pearl Jam in concert nine times while most of y’all were still in diapers. I have a colorfully woven tapestry. Yo.
The reason I’m telling you this is because to be a 100% completely honest blogger, I need to be truthful on where I am in life.
So where are all the other 40-something PF bloggers? I have no idea. Maybe they are too busy going to PTA meetings?
Anyway here’s the point. When my friend brought up her happiness about her life, I had a moment of self-pity.
Here I am 41-years-old (there I said it again…are you still reading or did you get scared off when I yelled at you for getting off my lawn?), struggling financially, not married, and considering taking on a retail part time job to make ends meet. I live in a standard one-bedroom rental and drive a 12-year-old car with a broken air-conditioner. And instead of “upgrading” my life, I’m downgrading by canceling services like cable, and selling as many things as possible on Craigslist.
Am I a loser?
“Don’t even dare go there!” I tell myself.
The thing is, and I want to make this point especially to you 20-somethings who are, by the way, doing one hell of a job getting your shit together at such a young age; there is no ONE path.
There is no ONE way to be at a certain age. You are allowed to define it however you want, and not let society dictate the standard.
While one person may view my life as sad, others may view me as someone who is a mindful spender, who appreciates simple things, and who values the small pleasures of life. It’s not important how society defines you, it’s how you define yourself.
There are times I look at FB and see my friends from high school in Michigan, doing things that I friggen can’t believe could possibly be me in an alternate reality, like sending their first-born off to college. Holy shit! Really?? I could have a kid who is a freshman in college? Or my friends here in LA who are 30-something, who are buying their first home. Sigh….
But the thing is, you don’t know what is really going on in their lives, do you? The friends in Michigan could be looking at my FB pictures and see that I’m at the beach practically every other day, soaking up the sun and playing beach volleyball. Or my home-buying friends might think I’m lucky I’m not tied down to a mortgage, and could move anywhere I feel like (cue ramblin’ vagabond music).
The thing to focus on is gratitude. No matter what age, you are alive and thriving and the possibilities are endless. You can define yourself, and re-define yourself as many times as it takes. You have your whole life, again no matter what age, to be present and live it fully.
So whenever you find you start comparing yourself to others your age and what they achieved, remind yourself of that. Enjoy what you are and who you are no matter where you are in life.
I gotta go take my Geritol now…and while you’re at it, “GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!!!”
This is totally me Photoshopped.
Budget & the Beach 
Now I want to see a clear picture of you!
Go here: http://www.tonyadesigns.com/about/bio/
I’m only *slightly* photoshopped in that photo. 🙂
You sure look a lot younger than 41. So, what’s your secret to staying young?! I’ve met people in their 30s who look 60 (Yikes!).
Thanks!! Well one, photoshop. lol! Honestly diet, exercise, and lifestyle choices. (and some good concealer) 🙂
Wow, this is a real good read. Even though I will be turning 30 this year (Yikes!), I felt like I needed to play catch up cause a few of my high school friends were already married, bought a house and are already pregnant, all within a couple of years! The trend seems to be have fun in your 20s, settle down in your 30s.But you know what? I enjoy my life right now, and am in no rush to get married or have kids (I’m honestly not even sure I want them). I’m glad the majority of my friends also feel the same way.
I’ve enjoyed reading your posts so far, cause they’re real, funny and down to earth. Keep em coming and I’ll keep on commenting! 🙂
I felt that pressure in my late 20’s and early 30’s, but that pressure started disappearing after that. A lot of friends who were married in their 20’s admitted they felt rushed into it at that time, and that’s probably why a lot of them are now divorced. Gotta do what is best for you!
And thank you for still reading my blog! 🙂
SO nice to see another 40-something in the blogosphere. I absolutely loved this post.
We gotta stick together. So few of us! 🙂
Love that I found your blog and that there is someone else out there telling the realities of life! I am 35 (gulp!).
Oh and “the get off my lawn” comments, literally had me bursting out laughing 🙂
Thanks!! Enjoy the rest of your 30’s! 🙂 I’m sure one day I’ll look back on 41 and wish I were that age again. The point is to enjoy yourself no matter what age.
Love this post!
Hello! I’m 47 and definitely not acting like it!
Good for you! I think the 40’s start to take you in either direction. I think you either really start to act/look older, or you stay “young at heart,” as cliche as that sounds.
Oh, I do miss LA. For me, blogging has nothing to do with age, maybe because I have you beat by several years. But, one of the reasons I started was because I thought people, like maybe a few 20 or 30 somethings can learn a new trick or two.
That’s one of the advantages of being a bit older. Hopefully, a little wisdom is behind the scenes. 🙂
It’s definitely a different perspective. For me being a person finance blogger, I realize my goals for retirement may be more urgent or aggressive than someone in their 20’s. And on the positive side, I hate when I see 20-somethign bloggers stress out about stuff they shouldn’t be stressed out about. I’m thinking, “pace yourselves! You’ve got a long way to go!”
I love this post! Even though I am 26, I to wonder about my age in the blogosphere. I have run into a lot of blogs that are by college students or younger and that was a very long time ago for me. I think you made made some really insightful comments about there not being one path in life. I have deviated from my path but feel it will be best for me in the long run. Hopefully I will be a secure as you when I am there!
You’re right! No matter what age you are, there will always be someone younger than you. The worst is when you start to defend your “coolness” to younger people, and they just look at you like you’re strange. lol! I’m glad you stuck to your own path!
Ha ha, I loved the “get off my lawn” comments. And I absolutly agree that its how you define yourself that is important. I just turned 28 and like to make the “get off my lawn” complaints. And yes, sometimes I look at high school friends facebook pages and get all mopey about them having a child or two and are married already but if I actually stop to think about it, I’m okay with it. I wouldn’t be where I am today or who I am today if I hadn’t had my experiences and if I’m “late” (said semisarcastically) to the marraige thing, I’m okay with that! I’ve seen too many marriages fail when people rushed into things and hadn’t lived before getting married.
I’m glad you are doing things on your own time. There are pressures to fit in with the “norm” at any age. You have to constantly look at yourself and make sure you are doing your own thing. Although quiet honestly, I did want to be married by now…or at least I thought I was going to be married to someone in particular. Hopefully there is something better out there for me!
Wonderful post TL! To be honest, age is nothing but a number. I’ve learned that early on in life since everyone has always thought I was older. I always befriend the old folks – my close friends at work have always been in their 40s, 50s, even 60s 😛 Attorneys are old, and those are the people I will be surrounded with. I’ve learned to embrace the older people, but you’re not even old. 41 is still young! My mom is 51 and she acts as if she’s 30 haha.
I love the message that comes along with this post, because I often stress about that “one” path you mention. I’ve come to terms that there is no one path though since I’ve failed at many things already and I have no clue where I’m going in life. I won’t stop reading your blog…a lot of my fave PF bloggers are older!
Btw not calling you an old folk..just reread my comment and it sounded like I did haha my bad!
LOL (responding to your 2nd comment). I didn’t get that impression. Well from my perspective, I learn so much from you, and other 20-something bloggers. Seriously if I had started doing some of the the things you guys are doing, I’d be really well off right now. I did OK, but not as much as you are doing. I’m honestly very impressed by you!
It may be completely cliche, but age is just a number. I’m 38, but I’m just a kid at heart. Oh, BTW, I live next to a park and commonly have people cutting through my yard to get to it……It burns me so much I want to turn my sprinklers on at just the right time to teach those damn whippersnappers a lesson. 🙂
ha ha! You should! Then post a video on youtube. 🙂 You’re right, age really is just a number, but it’s funny because your “whole being” doesn’t always come across on blogs until people get to know you. I think in the past it’s scared some people away (on my other bogs), as if they were no way they could relate to me.
You and I have talked about this! I love that you are 41. I turned 36 last week. Do you remember Frugal Zeitgeist? She was a great 40-something PF blogger. She only posts like twice a year now, though…but you should read through her archived posts. Your blog is numero uno in my PF blog book these days–and it would be whether you were 20 or 60. 🙂 Also–hahahaha at ‘colorful woven tapestry.’ I had one, too, and also a purse made of said fabric. Sigh.
BTW Bonnie, our conversations inspired this post, so thank you! I’m pretty new to the PF blogging world, so I’m not sure I’ve ever come across that one. Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment! That’s very sweet and I really appreciate it! I’m sending good thoughts that you get a job out here!
Awwww…thank you! I check Frugal Zeitgeist every few months or so to see if she’s checked in, and so after I posted this comment, I hopped over there. Lo and behold–she posted yesterday! Be sure to check it out. A lot of the GenX PF bloggers have stopped blogging in recent years, but I think of any others, I’ll let you know.
*if I think
im endeared more to you now than ever. i was feeling the same way. Im a mid thirties PF blogger and a mom. I was leary at first about talking about my family life because i didn’t think the 20’s bloggers would care much about it. In the end, i decided to just do what i wanted which includes talking about my family. Im so happy you revealed your age. I feel less alone today.
I’m glad! I think everyone has a perspective to offer no matter what age or living situation. I think you just have to be true to you, and write what you know, and whatever people decide about you is up to them!
You don’t look anywhere near your age. I was thinking early 30s, no word of a lie.
Either way, your age (or “experience” is probably a better word) adds a new perspective to the PF community. Age doesn’t really mean anything. My friends tell me I act like I’m 50 anyway, and I will admit to having screamed at children to get off my grass- so at least you’re not the oldest one here at heart! 😉
Also, I love the part about defining your own path. It’s great when people don’t just blindly follow the rest of the sheep into what’s expected of them. I fell down the rabbit hole myself and came out unscathed too, so I understand the mindset. Good for you for knowing what’s good for YOU, not everyone else.
Thanks! Nothing wrong with being an old soul. Like I said, I’m so impressed with how many of you 20-somethings are getting your financial priorities in order at a younger age! I’m glad you bounced back from the rabbit hole!
Love this post! It’s nice getting to know you better. I would’ve never guessed you were 41 either!
I blog younger. lol! Thanks! I think it’s because the things I’m into on a daily basis are young-ish things. I hope to never change that. (without becoming to immature of course)
I live this post for so many reasons. 1) I learned something new about you (and no it didn’t change anything I thought about you). 2) I have been feeling like I’m not necessarily as far along as I should be, for a 27-year-old. And 3) You’re helping me realize that my friends, most of who seem lightyears ahead of me, are just on a different path. I have friends who are 26, married, own 2 homes and have 1 kid. Sometimes I wonder WTF I did wrong but then I remember that’s not the path I’m meant to go down. Thanks for the reminder, T. xo
I think 27 is when I really felt that pressure as far as being in a relationship/married. Thankfully that all passed in my mid-thirties. I think the grass is always greener. That cliche exists for a reason. I’m impressed by everything you have accomplished!
I agree with everyone, this is a great post and it really hits home for me. Interesting that you had a moment of self-pity about your friend and I felt the same looking at your beautiful picture of your walk this morning and where you live and how close you are to the beach everyday.
When I started my blog I didn’t realize how many 20 something bloggers and mommy bloggers were out there and after a few weeks of reading their blogs and trying to fit in, I really began feeling more like an outsider.
I don’t view age the same way that everyone else seems to. For me it’s not just a number. To me it’s how long I have been here and how little time I may have left to do all the things that I haven’t done yet.
To me age is scary because in 4 weeks I will be 50. The year I turned 40 all kinds of new doors opened for me and for the first few years of my 40’s I had the time of my life, similar to what your 38 year old friend was describing about her life now. But then things change again…
I hear what you’re saying. I think it can be very easy to slip into that mode of feeling down about where you are in life, and either feeling nostalgic for the past, or scared for the future. It’s amazing how time really does fly. It seems only yesterday I was a 25-year-old who hopped in my car without a job or knowing anyone and moved from Detroit to Seattle. The time between now and then is a blur. I think that was one of my messages…appreciate exactly where you are now, because someday you will look back and wish you were that age again. Now if time could just slow down a bit more….
I loved this post, so much. You’re perfect, and you can’t let Facebook or young whippersnappers let you think otherwise!
Yeah!!! That’s right!! LOL! Thank you, that’s very sweet!
Great post and thanks for being so honest, I know it’s really hard. I know what you mean, it does seem like the majority of PF bloggers are in their 20s or 30s so I can see why it was difficult to reveal your age. Ageism unfortunately is everywhere, I have to deal with it a lot because I’m closer to 30 than 18 but I’ve got a young face so I’m still ID’ed everywhere. My mom always says I’ll appreciate that when I’m older but I hate getting mistaken for a highschooler when I’ve got a frickin’ degree. I do that same thing on facebook too. Everyone from my highschool is getting married or buying property, or even popping out babies, while I’m living in a modest one bedroom apartment with my BF budgeting my whole life so I can retire since my work doesn’t have a pension. But like you said I don’t know what the whole story is with all those people on Facebook. I’ve got to focus on my life and my journey, and I love that that’s what you’re doing too. Keep on bloggin’!
Yeah FB can be such a bastard when it comes to feeling left out, or you are missing something in your life. But it’s an illusion. People only post the best stuff about their lives, unless you are one of those annoying people who is always posting debbie downer stuff. And I totally wouldn’t mind looking like I was in high school right now! It’s pretty bad when you can start seeing just why people start using Botox…
I when I read about your 38 yo friend, *I* felt a moment of self-pity! Ha! I like your blog. I like that you’re close to my age (39) and can’t give up the beach either (altho I am east coast). 🙂
At my old house, kids used to cut through my lawn and play in it….rough housing against the walls! I totally told them they needed to get off my lawn.
Yeah I can’t even really yell about my lawn because technically it’s not mine since I rent. Dammit! When you think about it though, why can’t we play on the lawn? hmmm
Because it’s not their property. I’m pretty territorial lol Don’t come onto my property uninvited, keep your hands off my desk, don’t lean on my vehicle. Yeah, I have a big personal space requirement 🙂
I would have never guessed you were in your 40’s – not from your writing or even after seeing your picture in the video posting a few weeks ago. Since we’re telling secrets – my wife and I are 34 and 32. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter at what age you make your accomplishments. Hell, I read a ton of blogs of snotty 20-year olds who are making five figure incomes from their blogs. But does that make you and me losers? I don’t think so. All that matters is how you feel about what it is you do.
I know I do have to remind myself of that fact quite often. It’s not always easy because I sometimes want to go back and do things different but I know I can’t. That’s why I think a gratitude practice is so important…but it’s still hard!
I feel like such a creeper for saying this but you are freaking gorgeous. I clicked on that link to your website. Anyways, moving along. Mmmhmmmmhmmm…..
Thank you for writing this post. I have my birthday next month ( I’ll be 27) but I feel so in the middle about things. I’m starting on a new adventure and I try not to compare myself because my journey is going to be different. And since I’m not a kids or marriage type of person, I think the pressure is slowly fading away. But thank you for writing this, I needed it.
LOL, you’re too funny and thank you, that is such a sweet compliment. Like I said in twitter, I need to believe it more myself! I think 27 is that strange age where you almost feel more like you’re in your 30’s, but you are still right there in your 20’s, I know 30-something is a scary number, but I swear ask anybody that age and they will tell you it’s better. The jury is still out on the 40’s….LOL! Perhaps because the first couple of years have been a bit of a struggle. But change is inevitable and learning how to roll with it will save you a lot of grief. I need to take my own advice!
THANK YOU.
I’m 24. I veer between feeling that I totally have my shit together (compared with the PF bloggers in debt) and that I’ll always be far behind (compared to those with good jobs and make good money). I want to travel but I also want a house and kids. I want to love what I do but I also want to be financially comfortable. It’s so damn hard NOT to compare yourself to others. Especially with Facebook!
Comparing yourself to others is the worst feeling. It’s easy to say you won’t do it, but saying it and doing it are two different things. I still fight it all the time. But luckily the time between self-pity and empowerment gets smaller and smaller. Life is too short.
I’m here too! 40 years old (although I am a mom). I find the PF blog arena so diverse – there may not be lots of us 40 somethings, but I learn so much from all the different perspectives.
Glad to hear there are more of “us” out there!
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I think what I’ve realized is that there’s “always something” we can compare to and make ourselves feel bad about our situation. It’s very easy to do and I often think all the bloggers are younger than ME at 29, because they’re all 23 or 24. And most people do not have as much consumer debt as I do. But then I remember, oh yeah, who cares? Life is what you make it. I think you have made your life and we are always on the path to continue to find what we want, refine what we want to do and just keep living. You’re 41, happy, getting it together, and you should wear it proudly!! In the words of Braveheart, “All men die, not all men truly live”.
Well said! Thank you!
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This is my first time visiting your site and I’m not turned off by your age at all! I’ll be 31 tomorrow and I’ve got 3 kids…which makes me like 15 years older, I think. 😉 I still shop in the junior’s section, dance in my car to Rihanna when I’m not carting kids to-and-fro, and find completely inappropriate things hilarious on a regular basis. Yep, just a number! Nice meeting your blog! Will come back soon!
-Michelle
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks! 🙂
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I would have never guessed your age (but it doesn’t matter at all! :))! Your writing comes across as authentic and fresh, yours is one of the 3 blogs that I read religiously! I followed you over from fabulouslybroke :). Keep doing a great job, I truly enjoy the realness of your blog :)!
Wow! Thanks Lana! I really appreciate it!!
Hey, I’m over 60, you’re a spring chicken! Just heard about this post from someone else… I forget who. LOL
You should be proud of yourself that you got your financial head together before most. I hope it works out for you. When you get to be my age (and you will, they all do) you’ll be very glad you did.
You’re good – stay the course!